Let’s have a little heart-to-heart, shall we? Why is it so dang hard for us, as women, to put ourselves first? I mean, seriously, it’s like there’s this invisible force field that zaps us with guilt the moment we even think about doing something for ourselves. You want to take a nap instead of folding laundry? Zap! Thinking about saying “no” to that thing you don’t want to do? Zap! It’s exhausting, right?

But why is it so tough? Well, let me introduce you to a sneaky little thing called “supposed to” culture. It’s that nagging voice in your head that tells you you’re “supposed to” have it all together, “supposed to” take care of everyone else first, and “supposed to” be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, and – oh, don’t forget – look fabulous while doing it all. No pressure, right?

The Influence of “Supposed To” Culture

“Supposed to” culture is like the world’s most persistent backseat driver. It’s been with us since we were little girls, whispering things like, “Good girls share,” and “It’s better to give than to receive.” And while there’s nothing wrong with being generous or kind, somewhere along the way, we internalized the idea that putting ourselves first is selfish. So, we shove our needs to the bottom of the pile and focus on everyone else’s.

The problem with this is that it’s unsustainable. You can only run on empty for so long before you start feeling burnt out, resentful, and just plain exhausted. And yet, the moment you think about putting yourself first, that darn “supposed to” voice kicks in, making you feel guilty for even considering it.

It’s like you’re stuck in a tug-of-war with yourself – on one side, you know you need to take care of yourself, but on the other side, you’re worried that doing so will make you look like you don’t care about others. And let’s not even start on the martyr complex that “supposed to” culture encourages – where we’re praised for sacrificing our own needs for the sake of others. It’s like a badge of honor to be exhausted and overextended. No, thank you!

Why Putting Yourself First Is So Important

Here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving, giving, giving without ever taking the time to refill your own well, you’re going to end up drained and depleted. And guess what? When you’re depleted, you’re not doing anyone any favors – not your family, not your friends, and certainly not yourself.

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s essential. It’s about recognizing that your well-being is just as important as everyone else’s. It’s about giving yourself permission to be a priority in your own life. And it’s about understanding that by taking care of yourself, you’re actually better able to take care of others.

But I get it – easier said than done, right? So, let’s talk about some strategies that can help you put yourself first without feeling like you’re betraying the “supposed to” gods.

Strategies for Putting Yourself First (Without the Guilt)

1. Reframe Your Thinking: Start by challenging the belief that putting yourself first is selfish. Instead, think of it as self-preservation. Just like you need to eat and sleep to survive, you also need to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. And remember, when you’re at your best, you’re better able to show up for others.
2. Set Boundaries: Boundaries are your best friend when it comes to putting yourself first. Learn to say “no” to things that drain your energy or don’t align with your values. It’s okay to prioritize your time and energy. And the more you practice setting boundaries, the easier it becomes.
3. Schedule “Me Time”: Put yourself on your own calendar, and treat that time as non-negotiable. Whether it’s a yoga class, a walk in the park, or simply sitting down with a cup of tea and a good book, make sure you’re carving out regular time for yourself. This isn’t about squeezing in a few minutes here and there; it’s about intentionally prioritizing your well-being.
4. Delegate and Ask for Help: You don’t have to do it all. If you’re overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask for help or delegate tasks to others. Whether it’s getting your partner to take on more responsibilities at home or hiring someone to clean your house, giving yourself permission to offload some of the work can free up time and energy for you.
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. We’re all doing the best we can, and it’s okay if you don’t have it all together all the time. When that “supposed to” voice starts nagging, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s okay to put yourself first. You deserve to be taken care of, too.

Breaking Free from “Supposed To” Culture

Putting yourself first is an act of rebellion against “supposed to” culture. It’s about saying, “I matter, too,” and reclaiming your right to be a priority in your own life. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about self-care. And the more you practice it, the more natural it will become.

Remember, you’re not just a caretaker, a provider, or a supporter – you’re a whole person with needs, dreams, and desires. And you deserve to be at the top of your own list.

So, the next time you feel that tug of guilt when you think about putting yourself first, take a deep breath and remind yourself: You’re worth it.

With love, light, and a whole lot of self-care,