There is a version of therapy MOST of us picture before we ever walk into a session. A perfectly neutral therapist sitting across from you, dressed professionally, face calm and unreadable, saying very little about themselves and reacting even less.

They nod.

They hum thoughtfully.

They remain composed at all times.

And while that approach absolutely works for some people, it has never fully felt like me.

I want to be honest about something. There are quite a few “rules” I learned in school about how a therapist should show up that I choose to bend, soften, or sometimes break altogether.

Not because I don’t respect the profession. But because I deeply respect the humans sitting in front of me.

One of the biggest rules I break is showing up authentically. What you see is what you get. I am not a blank slate, I am not a robot.

I am a REAL person who brings warmth, humour, curiosity, and presence into the room. I do not hide behind clinical language or emotional distance. Healing happens in relationship, and relationships require realness.

That authenticity shows up in how I look, too.

You will often find me wearing comfortable, casual clothes and little to no makeup. Not because I don’t care, but because I want you to feel at ease.

Therapy is not a performance.

It is not a job interview

It is not a place you need to impress anyone.

If I show up as myself, it quietly gives you permission to do the same.

Like I always say, “come as you are, messy hair, pajamas, all that matters is that you show up.”

Another rule I bend is self disclosure, also known as sharing about myself.

Traditional training teaches us to keep the focus entirely on the client, and that is still true. But I also believe that appropriate self disclosure can be incredibly grounding.

If you ask me a question about myself, there is a good chance I will answer honestly, as long as it serves the work we are doing together.

Sometimes knowing you are not alone in an experience can be regulating.

Sometimes hearing that your therapist is also human makes the space feel safer.

I am also a therapist that shows emotion. I laugh with my clients. I tear up with them. I let my face respond naturally to what they are sharing.

I do NOT sit frozen while someone tells me something deeply painful or deeply joyful.

You deserve to be witnessed. You deserve to feel felt. And for many people, emotional attunement matters far more than perfect neutrality.

Yes, I use facial expressions, and a lot of them!

I raise my eyebrows. I soften my eyes. I look confused when something doesn’t make sense and relieved when something clicks.

Our nervous systems communicate constantly, and these small human responses help create connection and safety.

You are not talking into a void here.

And yes, sometimes I swear!

Because that is how many of us speak when we are being REAL. When someone shares something hard and says “this just really messed me up,” responding with sterile language can feel disconnecting.

Sometimes a well placed swear word brings humour, validation, or relief. We can talk about hard things without making them heavier than they already are.

Another quiet rule I break is the idea that the therapist always knows best.

I do not sit in a position of authority over your life. You are the expert on your experience. My role is to walk alongside you, help you make sense of what is happening inside you, and offer guidance when it feels supportive.

We collaborate.

We get curious together.

We adjust as we go.

You are the boss, I am here to follow your lead, point period.

At the heart of all of this is one belief. Healing happens when you feel safe enough to be yourself. Not the polished version. Not the “good client.” Not the one who has it all figured out. Just you.

If you have ever felt intimidated by therapy, unsure if you would be allowed to laugh, cry, swear, ramble, or show up exactly as you are, I want you to know this….

There is room for all of it here.

Therapy does not have to be stiff or distant to be effective. Sometimes the most meaningful work happens when we let go of the rules and lean into being human together.

And honestly, I think that might be the most healing rule to break of all.