Why hearing DON’T CRY is terribly unhelpful and dismissive….

We’ve all been there haven’t we? I know I sure have!!!

You’re talking to someone about something real — something that actually matters to you — and your voice starts to crack. The tears show up, uninvited but oh-so-determined. And then, boom. They say it:

“Don’t cry.”

Wait, what??

Cue the emotional shutdown. Shame activated. And now, instead of processing what you were feeling, you’re suddenly focused on not making a scene.

Let me just say this loud and clear for the people in the back:
We’ve got to stop telling people not to cry!!

---

Crying Isn’t a Problem

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but crying is NOT a weakness.
It’s not a malfunction. It’s certainly NOT something to apologize for or talk yourself out of.
Crying is just your nervous system doing its thing. It’s your body’s built-in release valve for emotion, and honestly? It’s kind of brilliant if you ask me.

We cry when we’re sad, yes — but also when we’re angry, overwhelmed, relieved, touched, or finally feeling safe after holding it all in for way too long.

Tears are human. They’re honest. They’re healthy.

So why are we acting like they’re some kind of emergency?

---

When Someone Says “Don’t Cry,” Here’s What We Actually Hear

I know most people mean well when they say it. It usually comes from a place of care. They want to help you feel better. They feel awkward or helpless. They just want to say something comforting.

But here’s what lands instead:

• “Your feelings are making me uncomfortable.”
• “This is too much.”
• “You need to pull it together.”

Even if that’s not the intention, that’s often how it feels am I right?!?!
And just like that — the moment gets shut down. The connection gets cut off. The emotions get stuffed right back inside.

Not great…..

---

Crying Is Not a Crisis

Can we just normalize crying without treating it like it’s some type or problem to be avoided at all costs?

Like, what if someone saw us tearing up and instead of panicking or rushing to “fix it,” they just… let it be? Maybe offered a soft presence. Maybe said, “It’s okay to feel this.” Maybe just sat quietly and held space.

Because here’s the truth:
Sometimes the most supportive thing someone can do is simply make room.

They don’t have to cheer you up. They don’t need a wise quote or a distraction tactic.
Just BE with you.

Wouldn’t that feel like enough sometimes?

---

If You’re a Crier, You Are Not “Too Much”

I work with women all the time who apologize for crying within the first 10 minutes of a conversation.
Like clockwork.

And honestly? It BREAKS my heart a little every time.
Because so many of us were raised with the message that crying is embarrassing. That it’s messy. That it’s too much.

But crying doesn’t make you fragile.
It means you care. It means something matters to you. It means you’re connected — not numb.

And if I’m being real, raw, and honest? I cry pretty much every day.

Thats right, it’s part of my daily life and I am HERE FOR IT!!!
Commercials, shows, sweet moments, sad moments — you name it. I’ve just learned to let it happen without shame, without apology. It’s not a meltdown. It’s not a problem. It’s just part of being human — part of being ME.
And maybe part of being you, too.

---

What to Say Instead

It can be hard sometimes, knowing what to say when people cry around you. You might feel the urge to go into fixing mode.

I get it, I used to be the EXACT same way sooooo…..

Next time you’re with someone who’s crying, and the urge to say “Don’t cry” bubbles up — try one of these instead:

• “It’s okay. I’m here.”
• “You don’t have to hold it in.”
• “Take your time.”
• “This is a safe space.”

Or, honestly? Just stay quiet and be present. That can say more than words ever could.

---

Let’s Redefine What Support Looks Like

Support doesn’t mean silencing or minimizing emotions.
It means making room for them. ALL of them.

So next time someone cries in front of you — a friend, a partner, your kid, or a random stranger who just needs a moment — don’t rush to hush it. Just breathe. Stay soft. And stay with them.

That’s the kind of support that heals.

---

P.S. If you’re someone who cries easily and often feels embarrassed about it, I see you.
You are not “too sensitive.” You’re not “too emotional.”
You’re just human — and honestly? That’s kind of amazing.

In my work with women across Ontario (virtually, from the comfort of your own home), I help folks reconnect with their emotions — and yes, sometimes that involves crying. And that’s always okay with me.

Ready for a space where you can be your full self — tears and all?
Simply leave a comment below and I will connect with you, let’s discuss on a free 15 minutes consultation call.
Tears? 100% welcome. And you won’t find me handing out tissues like it’s damage control — just presence, patience, and zero judgment.

You’re allowed to cry, it’s safe here.